I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I think I'm just dreading work, but I feel anxious... worried? I started to think about all the bad stuff. What am I suppose to do tomorrow? What am I doing here? Why do I have to be so alone? How am I suppose to make friends? What if I never make friends? Meet a guy? Look attractive? Grow up? Get a job? Afford to live? Lose weight? See my family? What if there is an accident? If the few friends I have don't even like me (and I'm such a hypocrit, complaining about how they act and what they say all the time, why would they)? Why do I scare people away? Why do they hate me? Why don't I get along with my mother? Why when I miss her am I such a jerk? Who could ever love me? Who would ever hire me? What am I here for?
I can't think like that... It makes me depressed. But I'm so tired and can't think positive thoughts. I just want attention, to be noticed, listened to, cared about. So I don't feel so alone all the time. I'm dreading work because even there I have nothing to do and I feel so alone. Phoenix is the worst place on earth.
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