oh man

So, every Friday my friends hold a happy hour at some location around AA. Usually this place is GTC because it's close to campus, cheap, and the least smokey joint in town. This is interspersed with jaunts to Ashley's, the BL, BL, and random other locations, though. This past week was a random other location; and since I hadn't been in a while because of prior commitments and just plain not wanting to, I decided to go. And might I just say that said random other place this week was Whole Foods... yea, the grocery store.

At WF you are allowed to purchase food on the spot and eat it while you continue shopping. Likewise, you may also purchase alcohol and do the same. In which case you end up resembling how I imagine a bunch of drunks go grocery shopping: strolling around and nursing a bottle while grabbing more than one sample tortilla chip per customer. ...I had gelato and made fun of the 100% organic bras.

Normally at HH we have a whole gang of regulars who show up as well. This week it was just a handful including myself. Fun but definitely not as fun as it can be. Actually... this is sort of the point of my whole vent here: One of the regulars didn't show up and I wasn't sure if I wanted them to. I had this niggling feeling in my gut like if they showed up things would be bad or something. I'm not sure what it was all about. I think it just coulda been awkward and I HATE awkward.

And what is up!? All of a sudden... way more attention! And sometimes I catch them watching me. Not in any weird way but like, what does it mean?? Is it for any particular reason (ie. they like me?) or cuz I have crap on my face or something!? I'm sick of all this! Why can't people just be blunt about stuff? Like poor S! They're so pretty but have such low self esteem and think that they can't go out and enjoy life because they're ugly or something. They tell me they can't go meet friends at Ashley's because they aren't wearing makeup.... but why do they need makeup? They've got flawless complexion!

I'm sick of how people can't just be themselves. Myself included. Sometimes I get the urge to just say what I mean and mean what I say. Sometimes I do just that, but most of the time I put on a show. Sometimes I feel like I have to steal the spotlight or tell a joke or at least have something witty to say, otherwise what's the point? Other times, when I have something to say, I feel like I'm just bothering people by saying it. I hate being interrupted, but I also hate when people listen so hard they don't say anything at all. That just makes it seem like they don't care or are zoning out. I hate when The H does that, cuts me off when I'm trying to tell them something. It's like, why should I listen to you when you don't listen to me. GAH!

Also, I've been watching Japanese cartoons. Some of which are disturbing!

Life is slowly wasting away - and I heard back from another job: ...no