Moving In

So I can't decide how living with them will turn out. I'm constantly on edge, worried that I'll do something wrong, worried that they'll explode. Plus I hate the feeling of being indebted to someone. Letting them cover the cost of something like lunch because they say they want to eat out and I say I can't afford it. How can I ever pay them back if it keeps piling up? First it's I want to eat out, don't worry about it... then it's oh I bought milk use as much as you want... ARGH just stop it!! I feel... too dependent. And the whole point of this venture was to be independent.


Then our temperaments are so different! I was talking to my sis on video chat... bad idea. She hates them and so I immediately point out that they're in the room with me so she "plays nice." But she's still giving me these looks - looks I can read as if she's speaking out loud. Well... anyway... we start talking about some important things: mother's day issues, job hunting etc. And intermittently, they pipe up with comments like "Why do you guys even have to buy it together?" "Oh that's mean" and I try to be nice explaining that it's what we do, no questions asked... that she isn't being mean, it's her sense of humor. Then they stalk off. I'm sitting there having a hard time corralling my sis and trying to include them in the convo, and now I have to worry I've offended them!

They have to realize I lead a quasi private life. I mean... I like my alone time. I want to talk to my friends online. I don't always want to chitchat. But they seem so touchy! Like if I text too much or type too much, I'm ignoring them. Then it feels like I'm using them which brings me back to my first point - how am I suppose to pay them back when they offer to let me stay for free for a month???

I don't know... I'm just rambling. Maybe I read too much into things, but why are they always so touchy about the most random and stupid things?! Me and my sister get along great and I know when she's kidding and when she's serious and I know how to stand up for myself... ESPECIALLY with her!! If I felt she was nagging or whatnot, I wouldn't have put up with it. So don't go on about how we should change our yearly gift giving strategy or how "mean" she's being. And don't storm off just because I'm not focusing on you or agreeing with you or really just need a moment to myself! GAH!!